just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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