I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
