He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
