Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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