So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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