a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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