I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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