i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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