dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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