i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
high people should be assigned attendants
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize