my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
