he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
false alarm, still single
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