I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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