there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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