this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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