You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think my vagina is haunted
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
foreskin is a definite game changer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
