hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
