Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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