i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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