So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
