haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
