she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
