I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
