i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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