apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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