I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
