These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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