I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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