i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
