Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I will pee on everything he values.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
