why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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