Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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