your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
