....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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