Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
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I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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