i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
