So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This toilet bowl is my home.
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