my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
