Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize