i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
