Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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