And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
