Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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