Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
