She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
