Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
