Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
