I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
