Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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