yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Congratulations! We have a period
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