I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
