I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
