we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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