Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
