mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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