bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
