Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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