hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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