I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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