Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
