...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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