i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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