One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
