Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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