if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Girls should come with a carfax report
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
