i would punch a child for taco bell
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
