im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
