I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
