I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
