clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
