I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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