Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
