i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
