Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
