saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
