I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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