So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
