Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
